Answers to Previous Questions
"Who Was My Father?" sought some help with his
gnawing doubts about the identity of his father.
Your answers were:
Your father was probably Mr. Rutner .....Who else?
I'm sure that the possibility of having been adopted has crossed your
mind. It's not unusual for adoptive parents to be secretive about it.
Sometimes they fear that they will loose their child to the biological
parents. Or they worry that the child will somehow feel second class
(especially if they they are they have biological children of their own).
But such fears often disappear by the time the child grows up. You say
you have children of your own so I'm assuming that you're at least in
your twenties. I would think that if you were adopted your parents would
feel OK about telling you by now. Many places have adoptive registries
these days where adopted kids (and parents who gave up children for
adoption) can register to try to find each other. Maybe they could help
you.
Sounds like your parents have something to hide. It's not fair of them
to cause so much anguish for you just to save themselves from
embarrassment. Maybe you're better off not being related to them.
What about your Mom? Ever think that you might resemble her side of the
family? Not everybody resembles both parents you know. Look at your Mom
and look in the mirror before doing anything else.
I am also a parent with some terrible secrets I've had to keep for the
good of my children. Even if you are right about your suspicions I
suggest that you abandon your search for an answer for now. There might
be some very good reasons for your parents wanting to hide the truth. If
you must know "the truth" at least have the kindness to wait till they
have passed away.
I'm sure that you and your father can be tested. You probably wouldn't
even have to do anything as fancy as DNA testing. Start with something
simple like looking at your blood types. That will tell you whether you
could be your father's biological son. After that they could do more
tissue typing. I think.
Look, I'm adopted. I don't look like my adoptive father. I don't walk
like him. But I had no problem accepting things he told me. And I
didn't feel that my values were foisted on me. My parents love me and
want the best for me. Sure I rebelled a bit. What normal kid doesn't.
But I don't think a person has to be genetic clone of their parents in
order listen and learn. Look for some other excuse for your problems.
PS Did your father blame his problems on his father?
I think you have to commit a crime in America before anyone takes an
interest in your DNA.
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